CARR 240-241 - Central Conference of American Rabbis

QUESTION: A child of a mixed marriage is about to be

Bar Mitzvah. It is customary for the parents to participate in the service. Would it be

possible for the non-Jewish parent to also participate? In this instance, the father is Christian and

the mother is Jewish. Are there any limits on participation? (Rabbi L. Mahrer, Topeka,

KS)ANSWER: The general question has been answered in a responsum entitled,

“Participation of Non-Jews in a Jewish Public Service” (W. Jacob, American Reform

Responsa, #6). We must now turn to specific participation in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah

service. In this instance, the non-Jewish spouse has been very much involved in raising the child

and may or may not have been somewhat active in Jewish life. It is clear that we want to include

the non-Jewish spouse in order to make him continue to feel at home in the synagogue and to

emphasize the Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a family occasion. There are, however, limits in which

our Reform tradition and good judgment would indicate. We would recommend the following

procedure: 1. It would be inappropriate for the non-Jewish spouse to lead the major

segments of our service, to proclaim the traditional berakhot, or phrases like, “Who has

commanded us” or “Who has chosen us.” Such statements which express specific Jewish

sentiments and ideas should only be recited by Jews. A minority of the

Responsa Committee felt that a non-Jewish spouse should not participate in any portion

of the formal service, but that such participation should be restricted to a personal prayer or

statement directly connected with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. In that way family feelings and the

bond between parents and children could be stressed while remaining completely honest about

the nature of this service which is specifically Jewish. Some members of the

committee felt that participation in the earlier part of the service is appropriate if restricted

to: a. some specific psalms or responsive readings; b. to the preliminary

portions of the service before the formal service begins, i.e., before the

barkhu; c. special prayers which are normally not found in the

liturgy. One member of the committee felt that it would be better to involve the non-

Jew in all aspects of the service in which a Jewish family member is normally involved and

simply change the blessing or prayers to conform with his status as a non-Jew through some

neutral wording.2. The non-Jewish partner should not be involved in the removal of the

Torah from the Ark and handing it to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. It would be

inappropriate to involve the non-jewish parent in this ritual as it is frequently accompanied by a

statement indicating the transmission of the Jewish tradition from one generation to another.

Even if nothing is said, the act itself indicates that transmission which can, of course, not occur

from a non-Jew to a Jew. Therefore, the Jewish spouse should be involved in this ritual or it

should be omitted. One member of the Committee felt that such participation by a non-Jew was

appropriate.3. Some private words or prayers at an appropriate point during the

Torah service should be permitted to the non-Jewish parent. In summary, we

therefore recommend that participation of non-Jews in a Bar/Bat Mitzvah service

be sharply restricted with one member of the committee feeling that segments of the service

normally recited by a parent be modified to suit his non-Jewish statusJuly 1983