CARR 282

CCAR RESPONSA

Contemporary American Reform Responsa

188. Bride and Groom on Their Wedding

Day

QUESTION: May a bride and groom see each other on their

wedding day? (L. F. and W. R., Pittsburgh, PA)

ANSWER: Let us begin with a

discussion of the relationship between bride and groom during their engagement. There was a strong feeling that the couple should not be permitted to be alone subsequent to their formal engagement. This was the Galilean custom which became normative for Jewish life (M. Ket. 1.5, 12a); the Judean knew no such prohibition (M. Kallah 1.1; Ket. 7b). In the Talmudic and Gaonic period, an engaged man and woman could not be together alone (Yeb. 69b; Kid. 75a, Otzar Hagaonim, Ket. 18 ff; Yeb. 166). This became the law and was reflected in the later Codes (Yad Hil. Ishut 101, Shulhan Arukh Even Haezer 55.1). There are discussions of violations in the responsa literature, and they were treated with greater or lesser severity depending upon the period and the general environment.

Nowhere does this literature restrict the groom and bride from seeing

each other on the wedding day, or prior to it, as long as they are chaperoned. In fact, the groom and bride see each other immediately before the wedding. If they fasted, and the wedding was late in the day, then they are permitted to break their fast together before the ceremony, as long as they are chaperoned and do not partake of any intoxicating liquor (Hokhmat Adam 129.2). More important is the custom of covering the face of the bride by the groom before the wedding, usually in the presence of both sets of parents (M. Ket. 2.1; Shulhan ArukhEven Haezer 31.2).

The current prohibition is, therefore, a recent American

minhag, probably from non-Jewish sources. There is no reason for the couple not to see each other, or to participate in such honors as being called to the Torah upon the shabbat before their wedding, when the wedding is to be held on motzei shabbat.

December 1981

If needed, please consult Abbreviations used in CCAR Responsa.