CARR 288-289 - Central Conference of American Rabbis

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QUESTION: A young couple wishes to be married in the home of

her parents. The young man is Jewish by birth and the young woman is Jewish by conversion.

The parents are Catholic and the wedding is to be performed in their home which contains

Christian symbols in virtually every room, including a beautiful Andrea della Robbia terra

cotta depicting the Virgin and Jesus over the mantelpiece of the living room where the

wedding will occur. Is it appropriate to hold a wedding in such a setting? (L. R., New

Jersey)ANSWER: We should begin by recognizing the obvious willingness of the

parents to accept the conversion and the fact that they are agreeable to have a Jewish wedding

in their Catholic home. The fact that the wedding will be held in the home suggests strong family

ties and, of course, everything should be done to encourage a good relationship between the

young couple and both sets of parents. As you suggested in your conversation, if the weather

permits, the wedding will be held outside. Although there is considerable specifically Catholic

statuary in the garden, it would be quite possible to locate the wedding site in such a way that the

statuary would only be incidental to the ceremony and attention would not be focused upon

it. The situation would be more difficult in the living room where this beautiful work of

art is the central point of the entire room. As it is not possible to remove it, perhaps one should

begin by seeking to cover it as much as possible through a huppah and floral decorations.

Certainly if a floral huppah of considerable size is placed into the living room, this would

largely remove the problem. Similar problems have arisen in the past. Many a Jewish

traveller in former days found himself lodged at night in an inn with Christian images on its walls.

When he wished to pray, he faced another direction away from them, and turned his heart to

Jerusalem (Abraham Danzig, Hayei Adam 23.5). Occasionally a group of Jews needed a

temporary site for services. A non-Jewish house of worship could be used if nothing else is

available (Abraham Gumbiner, Orah Hayim 154.11, note 17; Joseph Teomim, Peri

Megadim to the above reference) . Many of our modern American Jewish congregations

have begun their existence in church buildings temporarily borrowed and it was not always

possible to remove every Christian symbol and decoration. If no floral screen can be

put up, and the wedding must be held there, then the wedding should simply proceed, and we

should take the plaque on the wall as a piece of art. After all, it decorates a home and not a

church which is a place of normal public worship. We should remember as well that the wedding

service is a private ritual generally conducted before a minyan for the sake of public

knowledge and witnesses. It does not, however, possess the character of a formal Jewish

service. It would, therefore, be possible to conduct the wedding in this setting, preferably under a

huppah which would hide the plaque.June 1983