CARR 91 - Central Conference of American Rabbis

Family*

QUESTION: A young man wishes to convert to Judaism. His

wife and very young children do not share that interest, and the husband and wife have agreed

that their children should be raised as Christians despite the young man’s interest in Judaism.

She is active in her church, and it is doubtful whether she will convert at any time in the future.

Should we accept this young man as a serious candidate for conversion? (M. K., Baltimore,

MD)ANSWER: Both traditional Judaism and Reform Judaism suggest a period of study and

inner reflection before the step of conversion to Judaism is seriously contemplated (Yeb. 46, 47;

Shulhan Arukh Yoreh Deah 268; Yad Hil. Isurei Biah 15; W. Jacob, American

Reform Responsa #65). Furthermore, the difficulties which an individual might face upon

joining us as a Jew are to be clearly explained. All this indicates that the step is to be taken with

greatest care. We should certainly exercise such care in this case. The motivation of

the individual involved should be thoroughly examined. The individual should then be instructed

that although the current mood of America leaves religion very much in the private realm, and

sees it primarily as an individual decision of conscience, this is not the view of Judaism. We see

Judaism as part of a pattern of family life and the life of an entire people. As this man’s family

life will not be Jewish, it will be extremely difficult for him to live in accordance with Jewish ideals

and daily practices. As he views the mitzvot he is bound to meet frustration again and

again when he realizes that there are many which are beyond his ability to execute because of

his Christian family. Such obstacles and frustrations may eventually lead to the

destruction of his family life. We do not wish to encourage such a weakening of the family; it is

the object of Judaism to strengthen the family unit. In this instance, we recommend

that the individual be strongly discouraged from converting to Judaism. We would encourage

him to remain a “righteous Gentile,” close to Judaism and friendly to its causes. We would invite

him to participate in all of the activities of the synagogue and the Jewish community. In this way,

he may feel close to Jews and Judaism and yet not bring unusual problems to his family life

.December 1984