CURR 91-93

GENTILE STEPFATHER AT BAR MITZVAH

The following question has been asked a number of times: A Jewish woman divorced from a Jewish husband, remarries an unconverted Christian. Her son by her first marriage is being Bar Mitzvah. The Christian stepfather has adopted the child and has been truly a father to the boy. It seems wrong to keep him from participating as father in the Bar Mitzvah ceremony of the son. What may or may not a Christian stepfather do in the ceremony?

FIRST of all, he can certainly be called to the Torah, since the Bible is sacred to Jews and Christians alike, but the question would be whether he can sincerely recite the blessings over the Torah. We should not require him to pronounce words which he does not believe and thus make of the blessing an insincere formality. The blessings over the Torah say, “Who has chosen us among all people and given us His law.” This refers to the people of Israel. If he were a convert to Judaism, he could count himself as a member of a family of Israel and recite the blessings as if he were of Jewish descent (see Maimonides’ answer to Obadiah, the proselyte, Treasury of Responsa, page 28). But this stepfather is not a Jew by religion and so he cannot truthfully recite the blessing. We might perhaps write out a special blessing for him somewhat as follows:

“Praised be Thou, Lord our God, King of the universe, Who has given His sacred law unto all His children that we may learn, observe, and serve Him in righteousness.”

However, the father is also expected to recite the special blessing at the Bar Mitzvah, baruch sheptorani. This blessing involves a problem. Although there are alternate explanations of the meaning of this blessing, it is generally understood to mean, “Now I am rid of the responsibility for this person’s obedience to the law.” Who had had the responsibility until now? The authorities would agree that it was the boy’s natural father. The fact that the father and mother had been divorced does not excuse the natural father from the responsibilities of teaching his child the Torah, etc. If, therefore, the natural father were present, it would be he who should recite the blessing, baruch sheptorani.

But if the father is not present, as may well be the case, and the Gentile father, who is legally the adopted father, is the only father participating in the Bar Mitzvah ceremony, who shall then recite this particular blessing? A Gentile is a ben Noach and has special commandments incumbent upon him. But clearly the commandment to teach his son the Torah and to keep him obedient to the mitzvos is no part of the duty of the Gentile. It is not one of the seven commandments incumbent upon the sons of Noah. Therefore for him to say this blessing would be a mockery. What can be done in these circumstances without offending decent, well-intentioned people?

First of all, we may consider that his blessing is not indispensable. Joseph Caro does not even mention such a blessing. Moses Isserles who suggests the blessing (see Orah Hayyim 225:2) has considerable doubt as to the validity of the blessing and therefore recommends, as is done in all cases of such doubt as to the validity of a blessing, that the blessing be recited without including God’s name, because there is the danger of using God’s name in vain; and in this case the danger derives from the fact that the blessing is of dubious validity. Hence, in these special circumstances, we may well omit the blessing entirely. There is another procedure which we might follow. When, for example, a boy has not been circumcised, either because his father was not available or if he were negligent, the Bes Din has the obligation to circumcise the child in loco parentis. A similar circumstance exists with regard to the redemption of a first born son. If the father is not available, the grandfather is eligible to perform the ceremony in loco parentis. Therefore, in this case, where the adoptive stepfather is a Christian who cannot sincerely recite this special blessing, the grandfather may be called upon to pronounce it, or the rabbi himself as the Bes Din may recite it.