CCAR RESPONSA
New American Reform Responsa
210. Premarital Counseling
QUESTION: What is the status of premarital counselling in the Jewish tradition? (Jerry L. Bloch, Toronto Ontario)
ANSWER: Those who conduct a wedding ceremony, the mesader qidushin, must be knowledgeable in the laws of marriage according to the tradition. Nothing in the literature of the past dealt specifically with counselling the couple or discussing potential problems which the couple may have. In other words, the officiating individual should know enough not to marry individuals who are disqualified from marrying each other for a variety of reasons. Nothing else was demanded of him. This pattern may have come about as most marriages up to modern times were arranged by the parents for very young brides and grooms. It was a parental duty to prepare children for marriage and to deal with problems in the new relationship. This was never formalized, but we can assume that it occurred. There is, therefore, nothing in the tradition which deals directly with premarital counselling and the role of the rabbi in it.
Premarital counselling is a modern innovation which should be encouraged especially as the former role of parents in this area has diminished. The rabbi is in a good position to be helpful. Such counseling may help the stability of marriages and will involve the young couple in Jewish life. This type of counselling is important and should become part of all preliminaries to a marriage.
April 1989
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