NARR 354-356

 

CCAR RESPONSA

 

New American Reform Responsa

 

223. An Anniversary Ceremony

QUESTION: A couple is going to celebrate their thirtieth wedding anniversary and their children have arranged appropriate festivities. As part of the celebration they would like the rabbi to conduct a ceremony which re-affirms the couples dedication to each other and proclaim their love for each other. What is the attitude of tradition toward such a ceremony? What kind of berakhot may be included? (David Weisberg, Los Angeles CA)

ANSWER: There is nothing in the tradition which bears directly on this question. Although, undoubtedly, anniversaries were appropriately celebrated in the past, the religious portion of it was carried out differently. For example, by honoring the husband through participation in the Torah reading or other synagogue honors and at that time an appropriate misheberakh would be recited. The woman would, of course, have no direct part in this, but would be equally proud and content. There is a good deal to be said for the public celebration of a special anniversary as it emphasizes marriage and the family within the setting of the broader community. In the late twentieth century with its numerous family problems this is especially desirable. Irrespective of other plans we should encourage such a couple to be honored at a synagogue service in accordance with the traditions of the congregation. For many families this will be enough. If such celebrations occur regularly, then the members of the congregation will be constantly reminded of successful happy marriages.

The children of this couple, of course, wish to go further and want to incorporate some religious feelings into the general festivities. This too should be encouraged as it brings an additional religious element into family life. We should, however, be cautious about the manner in which this is done. The general tenor of the party needs to be in good taste.

The various editions of the Rabbi’s Manual published by the Central Conference of American Rabbis contain anniversary prayers. The sheva berakahot have not been used and have been reserved for the wedding ceremony itself. However, any other prayers recited at a wedding may appropriately be used again at the anniversary. This is a good occasion for new and personal prayers. It would be appropriate for the children and grandchildren to participate in such a rededication service and to express their thoughts about the happy marriage of their parents. There are also many readings from the Bible, Midrash and the classical Jewish poets which can be utilized on this occasion.

In summary then, such a special wedding ceremony should use the prayers found in the various editions of the Rabbi’s Manual which may include a blessing over wine, as well as the thanks to God for having reached this happy day, and other appropriate prayers created especially for the occasion by the rabbi and the family.

February 1990

 

If needed, please consult Abbreviations used in CCAR Responsa.