CCAR RESPONSA
New American Reform Responsa
37. Bar/Bat Mitzvah Invitations
QUESTION: Some Bar/Bat Mitzvah invitations as well as wedding invitations have become unusually extravagant. Their size and gilded lettering seems out of keeping with the ceremony of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. What should our attitude be? (Rose Hartz, Pittsburgh, PA)ANSWER: There are few discussions until recent times of the festivities connected with a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Among the first to deal with them was Solomon Luria (Yam Shel Shelomo to B K ch 7 #37). He stated that the festivities provided by the Ashkenazim for a Bar Mitzvah were to be considered religious occasions (Seudat Mitzvah). There are numerous modern authorities who have discussed these celebrations and have tried to keep them within some reasonable bounds, although this has proven to be difficult in contemporary America. We, too, would object to undue emphasis on the social aspect of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah at the expense of its religious significance. Efforts have been made through the centuries to maintain an atmosphere of dignity and simplicity in connection with synagogue life through sumptuary regulation. There were many attempts to keep life cycle rituals such as weddings and funerals within reasonable boundaries (I. Abrahams Jewish Life in the Middle Ages pp 144 ff). Extravagant Bar/Bat Mitzvah are a recent addition to Jewish life and reflect the prosperity of the American Jewish community. We should make an effort to maintain simplicity for a variety of reasons: (a) It will encourage emphasis upon the religious service and the education which the child has achieved; (b) it will enable the family, perhaps in honor of the child, to use funds in more appropriate ways such as enhancing the education of the youngster through a trip to Israel, generous gifts to charities, etc.; (c) it will curb social competitiveness and not place an undue burden on less affluent families. All of this, of course, begins with the invitation. The rabbi, as well as the appropriate committee of the congregation, should make every effort to encourage simplicity here as with all other aspects of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.March 1988
If needed, please consult Abbreviations used in CCAR Responsa.