POST-FUNERAL EULOGY

QUESTION:

In this retirement-community congregation, relatives of a person who dies often make funeral arrangements in the original home of the deceased. Then, when the family returns to the retirement community, they would like to have a memorial service with a eulogy in the presence of their new friends. Is this extra eulogy (perhaps with a service) permissible according to the Jewish legal tradition? (From Rabbi Albert A. Michels, Sun City, Arizona.)

ANSWER:

FIRST OF ALL, the general attitude of the law to the giving of eulogies is closely relevant to the question asked here. The Talmud in Shabbat 105b (and codified in the Shulchan Aruch, Yore Deah 344) considers the giving of the eulogy a great mitzvah, and indeed, it is even permitted to overstate (to some extent) the virtues of the deceased. It is even deemed to be a sin to neglect giving an adequate eulogy. So, therefore, one may say that as a general attitude, giving more than one eulogy would be considered a mitzvah rather than a superfluity.

Actually, one does not need to rely upon this general mood as to eulogies. A rule with regard to eulogies is that they are not permitted within thirty days of one of the festivals. This is derived from the Talmud, Moed Katan 8a. The reason for this is to prevent a mood of gloom darkening the happiness of the festival. However, it is permitted to ignore this rule for a special eulogy for a scholar, and in discussing this, Joseph Caro to the Bes Joseph in Yore Deah, end of 344, says (describing a general custom) that people would gather in special assemblies in the month of Adar and Elul to learn the laws governing the forthcoming festivals, and at these gatherings it was customary to give eulogies for scholars. So he says specifically, in Orach Chayim 347:5, that it is the custom to have the eulogies for a worthy person even within thirty days of the festival. The matter of the additional eulogies is discussed by various scholars, especially by Jacob Reischer of Metz in his Shevus Yaacov (II, #25). So it is clear that the custom of additional eulogies long after a man’s funeral was an established custom.

As for the distinction between eulogizing scholars and average people, that distinction is fading. Often in the law they mention that the special status and privilege of a scholar is no longer to be maintained. Also, there is frequent mention of the fact that the average Jewish man is to be considered one who knows, if not the Talmud, then Mishnah or Scripture (and is scholarly). My own congregation, even though the law was known that only scholars and leaders of the community should be eulogized or their funeral conducted from the main sanctuary, nevertheless decided that any member whose family so desires shall be buried from the main sanctuary of the temple. While this is not in accordance with the strict letter of the law (see references in Reform Responsa for Our Time, pp. 95 ff.), it is in harmony with the general tendency of equality in Jewish law.

To sum up: In general, the giving of eulogy is highly praised in the tradition. Therefore, additional eulogies are in accordance with the spirit of the law. In fact, specifically, frequent mention is made of repeated eulogies given long after the man’s death, and in general we need not emphasize so much the difference between the scholarly and the unscholarly.

Addendum

Subsequently, an additional question was asked with regard to the post-funeral eulogy, namely, whether it would be proper to give the later eulogies at the Sabbath service.

At first it would seem inappropriate to have any type of funeral service or eulogy or memorial prayers on the Sabbath, when it is a duty to rejoice (Oneg Shabbas). Yet in spite of this doubt as to the propriety of marring the happiness of the Sabbath, the custom of having memorial prayers on the Sabbath has grown up over the centuries. Actually, memorial prayers for the dead, which originated in the Rhineland, were given only on Yom Kippur, but then they spread from Yom Kippur to the last days of the three joyous festivals, Passover, Shavuos, and Succos (Yizkor). The Yizkor memorial prayer certainly might be looked upon as marring the mood of the festival, since we are commanded, “Thou shalt rejoice on thy festivals.” Nevertheless, the custom became established to have the prayer on these days, perhaps because the prayer is not only sorrowful, but also brings certain consolation and peace to the heart.

So finally it was with the Sabbath; it became an established custom to have the prayer Av Ho-Racharnim, a prayer memorializing all the martyrs, on every Sabbath after the Torah reading. The German congregations recite this prayer on only two Sabbaths of the year, the Sabbath before Shavuos and the Sabbath before Tishe B’av, but the Eastern European congregations recite it on every Sabbath (with certain exceptions, such as the Sabbath on which the New Moon is blessed, but even on such a Sabbath, according to some authorities, prayers for the dead are permitted for those who died during the week).

It is not only these special prayers for the martyrs that are recited in the Sabbath service. The memorial prayers are considered prayers for the welfare of the departed and therefore are grouped together by the authorities with other prayers which are for the welfare of the living.

Perhaps the earliest source for the recital of such prayers for the dead and for the living is the Shibbole Ha-Leket by Zedukiah Anaw (Italy, 12th century). From this source (ed. Buber, p. 29b, sec. 81), many of the leading authorities quote the custom of praying for the dead and for the welfare of the living who have served the congregation and the community (Joseph Caro, in his Bes Joseph to Orach Chayim 284, and in the Shulchan Aruch, Isserles 284:7). Such prayers have become a formal and fixed part of the prayerbook to be recited after the Haftorah, namely, the Mi Sheberach and the Av Ho-Rachamim.

Besides these fixed prayers of memorial and welfare found in the prayerbooks, similar prayers were also given in a sort of extemporaneous manner when each individual was called up to the Torah. The reader would recite a Mi Sheberach in his behalf, blessing him for contributions to the synagogue, cantor, etc., or voicing a prayer for a sick person or for a woman in childbirth.

The custom of memorial and welfare, either for an individual when called to the Torah or as fixed prayers for the entire congregation after the Torah reading, all these are adequate justification for the additional memorial eulogy asked about here being given on the Sabbath. However, since the question comes from a modern Reform-type of congregation, the place in the service of these prayers and this eulogy must be different from the place in the service customary in an Orthodox congregation. It is not the custom in Reform congregations to call up seven people to the Torah, and therefore the needs of various worshipers can hardly arise as part of the Torah reading. But it has become a well-established custom in Reform congregations to have a memorial prayer before theKaddish, and in general the entire congregation joins in the Kaddish as an expression of mutual fellowship in sorrow. Some congregations also mention the names of the recently deceased at that time. Therefore, if such an additional eulogy would be given in the Sabbath service, the appropriate time would be, not after the Torah reading, as in Orthodox synagogues, but before the Kaddish.

Nevertheless, one or two words of general caution should be mentioned. The authorities are indeed concerned that the mood of the Sabbath should not be marred by such eulogies or memorials, and therefore the statement is made that no tragic or tearful eulogies be given on the Sabbath but only eulogies of an edifying nature honoring the departed for his character and his good deeds, to serve as an example to his family and the community (see especially Greenwald, Kol Bo, p. 104, #24).

Another concern must also be mentioned besides that of avoiding the mood of tragedy, namely, the concern as to unduly lengthening the service and thus making it a burden on the congregation. Burdening the congregation (torach ha-tzibbur) is always to be guarded against. So the leading authority on the laws around the Torah reading, Ephraim Margolis (Sha’ar Ephraim, Gate 4 #24), specifically says that the prayers of memorial and welfare should be kept short so as not to be a “burden to the congregation.”

This whole matter depends upon local customs, as Isserles says in his Note to the Shulchan Aruch (ibid.): “Every place follows its own customs in this matter.” Therefore, if the eulogies are likely to be too sorrowful, and if the service might be unduly lengthened by them, the congregation has the right to establish its own custom and might very well establish a special service for this purpose on Sunday morning; or, since this is a retirement community, the service could be established at any time during the week.

Nevertheless, it is clear that if the eulogies are not too tearful, but serve as an edification to the community, and if they do not unduly lengthen the service, there is no objection to their taking place as part of the Sabbath service; in fact, there is established custom in support of it.