BAR MITZVAH ON YIZKOR DAYS

QUESTION:

A question has arisen in our congregation as to whether it is proper to have a Bar Mitzvah on the eighth day of Succos (Shemini Atzeres) since in many of our congregations we have Yizkor services on that day. (Asked by Rabbi Harold Waintrup, Abington, Pennsylvania.)

ANSWER:

THE POSSIBLE objection to having a Bar Mitzvah on Shemini Atzeres if the congregation has its Yizkor service on that day is based, evidently, on the feeling that there is an incongruity between the moods of the two observances, the Yizkor being somber, and the Bar Mitzvah being a joyous observance. The possible contradiction in mood brings to mind a much more serious incongruity. Is there not a glaring incongruity in mood between the Yizkor memorial service and the holiday itself? How is it possible that a memorial service can properly belong on a joyous holiday which is called Z’man simchasanu, “the time of our rejoicing”? Does not Yizkor violate the mood of the holiday? The answer to this question brings us back to the history of the Yizkor service.

Originally the Yizkor service arose in the Rhineland as a memorial for the martyrs during the Crusades. It was held always on Yom Kippur, as is clearly appropriate and consistent. The sources speak of “atonement for the living and the dead.” However, since it was also deemed appropriate that the prayers for the dead should be accompanied by gifts in their memory, the Yizkor was extended from Yom Kippur to the last day of each of the three pilgrimage festivals because on the last day of the festivals, the reading ends with the verse from Deuteronomy 16:17, which says that when the pilgrims came up to Jerusalem on the festivals, each was to give a gift according to the generosity of his hand (k’matnas yodo). So it came about that it was no longer considered incongruous (if ever it was so considered) to have a memorial service, a Yizkor, on a festival when we were bidden “to rejoice.” See Maharil, end of the section on Hoshana Rabba; also my article “Hazkaras Nashamos,” HUC Annual, 1965.

As a matter of fact, in many congregations a sort of Yizkor was extended from the last days of the three festivals to the service of every Sabbath. This memorial service took place in connection with the reading of the Torah. It consisted of the recital of the prayer Av Horachamim, “Father of mercies,” which memorializes the martyrs of Israel, and with that prayer, when the man is called up to the Torah, he could give his charity in behalf of a departed relative who was named in the Mi Sheberach. In the Rhineland this Sabbath memorial was recited on only two Sabbaths, the Sabbath before Shavuos and the Sabbath before the Ninth of Av. In Eastern Europe it was recited every Sabbath, but with certain exceptions, which are of relevance to the question asked here. This memorial prayer and the Mi Sheberachs for the departed were recited every Sabbath except the Sabbath when the New Moon is blessed, and also if there is a bridegroom in the congregation married within the week, or if a parent has a circumcision of a newborn child during the week.

It is to be noted that the joyous occasions in the personal life of any single worshiper which prevent the recital of the Yizkor prayers do not include a Bar Mitzvah. Clearly a Bar Mitzvah is not considered to be the same type of family occasion as a wedding or the circumcision of a newborn child. The blessing recited for Bar Mitzvah by the father is not a joyous blessing. It speaks of being “disencumbered of a duty” {Boruch sh ‘p’torani), and in earlier generations not much fuss and celebration was made of the Bar Mitzvah. It often occurred on a weekday, Monday or Thursday, when the Torah was read. The calling up of the boy to the Torah at his Bar Mitzvah is essentially only an announcement to the congregation that the lad is now religiously an adult and may now be counted in the minyan. Of course it was natural that the family and also some guests should gather for a meal after the services.

It is only in modern times, when the Bar Mitzvah celebrations have become so elaborate, that some might feel a contradiction between the Bar Mitzvah joy and the memorial Yizkor. But it was not so in the past, and the Bar Mitzvah is not counted among the personal occasions of happiness in deference to which the Sabbath memorial prayers are omitted.

Of course, if the particular family involved is planning, as is customary nowadays, an elaborate family celebration, it might feel that a Yizkor day is incongruous with the spirit of family joy. But that would be this family’s own decision, and if it feels that way, it can postpone the Bar Mitzvah for a week or so. But as a matter of traditional custom and mood, there is no contradiction between Yizkor and the holiday joyousness itself, and even on the Sabbaths, when the memorial prayers are omitted in deference to a personal happy occasion of a congregant, Bar Mitzvah is not counted among these occasions.

The answer to the question, therefore, is: Since there is a Torah reading on the eighth day of Succos, a Bar Mitzvah may be held on that day. The recital of the Yizkor is, from the point of view of the mood of tradition, no ground for postponing the Bar Mitzvah.