MARRIAGE OF ADOPTED CHILDREN

QUESTION:

A boy and a girl, not related to each other, were adopted in the same family and grew up as brother and sister. Now they want to many each other. Is this permitted? (Asked by Sonia Syme, Detroit, Michigan.)

ANSWER:

The laws of prohibitive degrees, incest, etc., are strict. The degrees prohibited by the Bible are amplified by second degrees (sheniyot) added by the rabbis. These degrees include, not only actual blood relatives, but even some who are not blood relatives such as the following: A man may not marry his widowed stepmother or his step-daughter, neither of whom are of blood kin to him. Therefore it is a real question as to whether an unrelated boy and girl who have grown up together as brother and sister may marry each other.

While the precise relationship asked about in the question is, as far as I know, not discussed in the literature, there are discussions that are closely related to the question of an adopted boy and girl; namely, the laws discuss the relationship of stepbrothers and sisters. Of course a half-brother and -sister who share one parent (the father or the mother) are prohibited from marrying each other, but if they were completely stepbrother and -sister, without a parent in common, if for example a widow with children married a widower with children, and these children grew up as brothers and sisters, may these step-brothers and sisters marry each other?

The concern which prompted the question asked here, namely, that the young man and the young woman are grown up as brother and sister and are known as brother and sister, would not their marriage create gossip or questions and even seem wrong to the people who know them? This same dubiety in the case of stepbrother and sister is discussed both in the Jerusalem and the Babylonian Talmud. In both sources there, a negative opinion is expressed first and then there follows a positive opinion permitting them to marry.

In the Jerusalem Talmud (J. Yebamot, 2, page 3d) Rabbi Jeremiah said that two stepchildren living in one house are forbidden to marry each other because “it looks bad,” (mipnei ma-arit ayin). But right following this statement, Rabbi Hanina says, “Let them be married in a place they are not known.” A similar discussion occurs in the Babylonian Talmud (Sotah 43b). It begins with a negative opinion which it then brushes aside: “A stepsister reared with her stepbrothers is forbidden to marry one of them because she appears to be their sister, but this is not so since the relationship is generally known” (i.e., that they actually have no parent in common). The Shulhan Arukh then gives the law clearly (Even Haezer 15.23): “Two stepchildren who have grown up together in the same house may many each other and they need pay no attention to the fact that they appear to be brother and sister.”

Although the situation with adopted children is not specifically mentioned, these rules with regard to unrelated stepbrother and sister apply exactly. They may marry each other and disregard the fact that some may think they are brother and sister. So the Shulhan Arukh directly declares. Of course, bearing in mind the suggestion of Rabbi Hanina in the Jerusalem Talmud cited above, the situation would be easier if the young couple moved to another part of the city or to another city altogether, but that only to avoid gossip of the uninformed. They need not do that. They may marry.