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The Spouse Connection was formed in 1984 when wives and husbands of rabbis expressed their deep need to share common experiences and provide mutual support. Year after year, spouses would meet at rabbinic conventions and rejoice in the precious opportunity to renew ties and reconnect. These gatherings were exhilarating, but all too brief.

When we returned home, our well intentioned promises to write, to call, to meet, evaporated as we resumed our busy lives. We needed a "Spouse Group" because we needed each other.

The ordination of women by the Reform movement has focused attention on the needs of a very special spouse -- the rabbi's husband. We are encouraged by the growing participation of male spouses in our ranks. Men bring fresh insights and a new perspective to the challenge of living as a rabbinic family.

More recently, life partners of Gay/Lesbian Rabbis have joined our ranks, bringing with them their own special issues and ideas.

Thankfully, the time has passed when a rabbi's spouse was the congregation's "First Lady," who smiled, poured tea and magically knew everyone's name. More and more we are seen as ordinary women and men, vulnerable to all the stresses of modern family life

And yet, whether we like it or not, whether we embrace it or not, we are seen as role models. We do play a unique role. People are intensely interested in what we say and what we do, even what we wear! This burden takes its toll on us and our families

We discover that friendships with congregants are delicate affairs. We find that when our spouse is criticized, we hurt too. And that, ironically, there can be no lonelier place than sitting alone in our own synagogue when others have spouse and family at their sides

But there are also great blessings. We discover that the rabbinate is incredibly enriching -- allowing us to lead lives of extraordinary mind, heart and spirit. Rabbinic life deepens our Judaism, and broadens our world. Through The Spouse Connection we can find an unconditionally supportive place to explore it together.

The Spouse Connection's mission is to foster meaningful connections between people who share similar experiences and concerns through their lives in rabbinic families. There are many ways to connect, and we invite each of you to get involved. Please fill out our form below and let us know how you'd like to participate - even joining the HUCSpouse mailing list to keep you informed can be a start.

Rabbi Debbie Prinz , CCAR Interim Director of Program and Member Service, is available to be of assistance. and can be reached at dprinz@ccarnet.org

HUCSPOUSE email list

In 1996 we launched hucspouse@shamash.org, a lively online discussion group that puts spouses in daily contact with their Reform counterparts around the world! This list-serve currently has 270 members and is coordinated by Rabbinic Spouse Matt Cohen. To insure confidentiality, participation is strictly limited to spouses and partners of students and graduates of Hebrew Union College. To subscribe: please fill out our subscription form below.

Not on our mailing list? Need to change your address? Please sign in below to join the HUCSPOUSE email list.