CCAR RESPONSA
Contemporary American Reform Responsa
93. Burial of a Divorced Wife
QUESTION:
A man was married, had a child by his wife; he was then divorced. He remarried and the
second marriage led to no further children. Subsequently he died after a considerable number of
years of marriage to his second wife. Both the first wife and second wife are elderly women. The
question of their burial sites has now arisen. The only child of the family wishes to have his
mother, in other words the first wife, buried alongside his father. On the other hand, the second
wife feels that it is her prerogative to be buried there. Which woman should be buried next to this
man? (Rabbi R. Benjamin, Davenport, IA)ANSWER: All formal relationships
between this man and his first wife were broken by the divorce as you indicated. The two may
even have been enemies for some time. The Shulhan Arukh states that two individuals
who are enemies should not be buried alongside each other (Yoreh Deah 362.6; Ezekiel Landau,
Nodah Biyehudah II Even Haezer 79). This general statement has been applied to a
husband and wife who continually quarrel with each other and never bothered to get a divorce.
They, too, should not be buried next to each other (Aaron Meir Gordon, Shaarei Daat, p.
95, #5). Some confusion may have arisen in the mind of the child who may remember
some discussion about a similar question when dealing with a widow. In that case, in contrast to
divorce, there is some discussion as to whether a second marriage completely annuls any
relationship which existed previously. Moses Sofer certainly thought so (Hatam Sofer
Yoreh Deah #355). However, there are other authorities who disagree (J. Greenwald, Okh
Letzarah, p. 145 ff). As this question deals with divorce, it is completely
different. According to the spirit of tradition, the second wife should be buried with her
husband, and the first wife should be buried somewhere else. However, there is nothing which
would prevent burial in the same cemetery so that the child of these two individuals may readily
visit their graves.August 1982
If needed, please consult Abbreviations used in CCAR Responsa.